He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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