Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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