Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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