I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
