It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
