New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
