coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
