I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm having to shit out rocks
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
