I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
this just has baby written all over it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
