so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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