Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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