The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
