I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
