he looks like a really good dad on facebook
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
