no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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