If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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