i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
