maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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