Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
