I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
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I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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