dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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