ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
