you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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