I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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