The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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