It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
