i just wanna soil my oats bro
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
