That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
