for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
3pm strippers are depressing
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
