I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize