You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
