1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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