i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize