He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
