There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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