is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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