I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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