How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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