we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have post one night stand depression
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