I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
