i permit you to call me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
