He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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