Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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