its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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