We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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