Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
