I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
