that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
