stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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