There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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