I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
