I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The uberlube is also flammable
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
