how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
