Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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