she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
