I seem to have left my pride at pride
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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