Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
