if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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