And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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