My brain says no but my pants say off.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
