i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
