Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
