Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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