I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
