OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
