So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
