just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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