If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
