maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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