Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
