And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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