She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my sisters under your porch take her home
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
