Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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