FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
