it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
