woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
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I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
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i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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