I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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